Gender Confidence

Our class discussion on Monday was pretty interesting, or at least I thought it was. Gender has always been a fascinating subject to me (I have been called tomboy since I could remember being called anything, and while it is a relatively nice term, it can definitely create some confusion for the little ones…), and one that I have sometimes struggled with, both in terms of my own gender identity and in terms of the gender of my ‘attractee’. Ultimately, like Juni, I would like to say that gender doesn’t matter, that I’m attracted to personalities, to minds, to senses of humor and compassion. But, really, given a man and a woman with the exact same personality, mind, sense of humor and compassion, I would choose the woman. Every time. I feel more comfortable with women: I like their softer voices, their softer bodies. I’m scared of penises. Each and everyone of those characteristics that Matt Kaily mentions in his book, all the parlor tricks, the jack of all trades, the 21-gun salutes, all of that just terrifies me. But like Matt Kaily (or, rather, unlike Matt Kaily) I feel I will always be attracted to ‘femaleness’, to whatever is that ‘essence’ of women.
While the big T throws a bit of kink into that ‘essence of women’ line, I think it does so in a positive way. Its good for women (and men) to think about what they really think a woman is, to consider the traits and characteristics, apart from a vulva and breasts. Having looked at a woman standing in front of me, with a real, functioning penis between her legs, has changed my view of a woman, but it has not destroyed it. While I don’t think that I am capable of putting to words exactly what I believe a woman is (perhaps, there are no necessary or sufficient characteristics), I think I’m just going to have to trust my heart on this one. So far it’s worked out well.